Getting back to the simple basics of a mythical yesteryear, American luddites have forgone the complex technocratic exercise machines of the future and used little more than their own bodies for workouts. Natural kinesiology is the idea. In fact, a recent study by the American College of Sports Medicine listed "body weight training" as the top exercise trend for 2015. Bench press is out. Planks are in. So, if you got some TRX straps for Christmas, felt your thighs burn in a barre class, got sweaty with Shaun T in your living room, paid a lot of money for that Pilates membership, or even learned to breathe in yoga, Mitochondrial Eve recognizes your fitness efforts and applauds your spartan minimalism with her opposably-thumbed hands.
There's no machines outside. "Chronic pain, immobility, depression and lack of vitality," reads the Natural Movement Fitness website, clearly "we are not meant to be disconnected from the natural world and our own true nature." Most modern forms of exercise are even a detriment since we have entered "an age of ever-more advanced exercise machines that remove people from real life, nature, and what their bodies are naturally designed to do." Help your body remember with MovNat. It's "the workout the world forgot."
From harmfully soft footwear to genetically modified and gluten-laden foodways, modern culture has it all wrong. There are remedies. The ancestral diet, the caveman diet, the primal diet, etc. The paleo diet offers Americans more traditional fare from circa 2 million years ago. And lots of bacon. One can even do DNA testing to determine from whence on the ancient globe one came, so as to adjust one's diet accordingly. In the author of The New Ancestral Diet Dr. Richard Aiken's terms, "eat like a primate."
And so it is that in the footsteps of our bipedal ancestors we should follow. Their millions upon billions of primordial lives and deaths speak to us in our instincts, our kinesiologic patters, our DNA. Climb a tree. Throw a rock. Eat a big hunk of meat. Parkour your way to work. American Ninja your way around the playground. Work on your "core." Do what you were made to do. Hold true not only to yourself, but to all those infinite lifeforms that came before you to make you who you are. And find meaning and purpose in the imagined arcane past. Indeed, as CrossFit tells us, "CrossFit begins with a belief in fitness."